A friend told me that he tried every day to last the whole day without having a single judgment of anyone. Just one day. He couldn’t do it. There would be success for a while but then he would have a fleeting thought like “I don’t like that person’s accent” or “That woman is too heavy” or “Their house is run down” or “He’s still conceited after all these years” or “This line at the post office is too slow.” He had a whole list. The thoughts would be so brief that to catch them he had to be very aware. Some days there might be only two or three, but it was difficult. He would criticize someone on television or someone richer than he was or complain about his daughter or his wife. There would always be something. They were minor, but they affected him. He said he knew his constant state of judgment hurt him more than anyone. So he keeps working to diminish the impulse to judge anyone, for any reason.
If we cannot stop our fleeting, short-lived judgments day-to-day, what happens when we are faced with dilemmas much greater in scope? How often do we think that our values and way of life are challenged by “outsiders”? How quickly are we willing to condemn them and exclude them from participation in our world? What do we do first when we encounter these people who are not like us—do we smile in welcome, or do we frown in disapproval and turn away, if not literally, then in our hearts?
Judgment of others is a defensive measure, just as prejudice is, and gossip, too. They all are used to express negative opinions of others or circumstances at some level. Usually we try to feel justified in doing this, but in the end, of course, that’s not how it really feels. It never feels good, though it lends itself to some short-lived satisfaction born out of our own fearfulness. We are often afraid we are not all we can be, and it takes the pressure off us if we criticize others. We think it balances the scales–at least we think that at an unconscious level.
In truth, such a judgmental outlook is the antithesis of cooperation and compassion and balance. It encourages isolation of mind and heart. Why does that matter? We live in a world that needs healing. We have to begin with ourselves. Letting go of judgment is how we begin–at least being aware of doing that, every day, like my friend. It’s got me interested.
