Our inclination to seek approval is a human one, wired into us. Fair enough, for we are by nature a gregarious tribe, a species that welcomes camaraderie and communication, which in turn offer the spirit of trust and friendship. What we may ignore or forget in our day-to-day experience is that we have a responsibility, a personal responsibility, to use discernment in how we relate to others, who we choose as close friends, and who we offer trust and friendship to in return.
Reacting to other people is oftentimes a reflex action, but with discernment — which is the faculty of using keen perception and assessment of things — that reflex slows down. We grow more aware of what we are doing and what our intention is. We become more aware of the people we are talking with, like talking with, or struggle to reach.
We know ourselves better by how we react to others.
Of course we are not going to enjoy the company of everyone we meet — that would be impossible. But we can observe whether our reaction to them is something worrying — a trigger that causes us to act with inner anger or resentment or judgment — or something with positive energy and even joy. By being willing to observe ourselves and our motivations, we stay open to what is really going on around us and in us. We can then discern what has value and what does not and which direction to take next, figuratively or practically.
It is critical to our health and well-being to know our own state of mind, to observe it, and to alter it if we are creating something negative. Very often our reaction to people has nothing to do with them and everything to do with our inner self.
Think of events that have occurred for you over the last week — how you felt, what you did, what others did. Is there any event you feel you could have managed more easily if you had not held or expressed a reflex reaction?
In difficult times, we can be inclined to let go of our own trust in what is true and our power to create favorable outcomes. That is when stress, anxiety, anguish, and heart pain begin to enter in and affect us, drawn out of past or present emotional states.
Using discernment helps us retrieve those aspects we have given away by forgetting we have choices, and allows our best self to emerge and be sustained. It allows us to remember we can trust who we are.
