The stories we tell ourselves are not who we are, but we have become so used to them, we mistake the soul of us for the story itself. A frequent part of current seminars on self-improvement and personal development (see my post on Letting Go of the Past) speak about the stories that keep us stuck in the past, that can come out of painful and unhappy times and become a part of our psyche, even, or especially, if they are distortions of memory. We all do this and moving forward out of such stories can be intensely difficult. The problem is that often we treat the story as absolute truth and it can become a kind of self-imposed prison of feelings and shifting memory, what I call the vampire effect. So long as this state remains, we are never fully in touch with who we are, or what we are here for. We think we are mirroring our real self, but in truth, we are recalling an illusion.
So what keeps us from changing the narrative, and letting go of that prison, however we may have shaped it? For no matter what we tell ourselves, the design of the narrative is our own creation, and only we can change it from something negative into something life-giving. We are not in the present moment when we remember what has caused us unhappiness. We are not our authentic selves when we rely on the past to serve as our interpretation of reality. If we do, we will always be wrong.
Yes, our life has taken a certain path—a unique one that no one else among the billions of people on this earth has experienced. Whatever has happened has given us information, lessons, emotions of every kind, and in each moment we are a product of it all. It is how we choose to see ourselves right now that determines the quality of our life. We can recall injustice, hurt, and grief. But that IS a choice. We can just as easily decide to choose joy. Why don’t we?
There are a thousand reasons we give ourselves. None of them apply. The past no longer exists. Even when we remember the past, we are not living in it—we are producing synaptic firings in our brain that follow the familiar channels we have created by repeating certain thoughts and emotions. But those firings are happening right now, not years ago, or days ago, or even seconds ago. Right this second they are occurring, and faster than we can think of them they too recede into the past. So why linger in a place that does not exist?
It seems to me that what we do is forget who we have become, and what an act of grace it is that we are who we are. That same life we remember so vividly in negative ways carried in it the resonance of love, of joy, of moments of caring and laughter. Our life has taken us through passages of learning and out of those we have also gained a great wisdom.
We are blessed beings, and all that we are is evident right this second. Nothing is missing. We are here to do work only we can do, and whether we know it or not, in each moment we are held within God’s unconditional love. Nothing is missing. This is always true.
I send out an occasional newsletter with updates and special content. You are most welcome to join here.
